The wonders of Hollywood never cease. Except this time I haven’t been shocked and amazed by a raging, honking, cell-phone tossing suit in a Mercedes (what could you possibly have to honk about when your steering wheel alone costs more than the entire yearly income of the elderly Mexican woman crossing the street in front of you?) This time, Hollywood has surprised me in a good way.
Hollywood has turned me into a public speaker.
This may not come as much of a shock to you – unless you also happened to be present during my ill-fated musical auditions in tenth grade – but trust me, it’s a shock to me. I have officially become a greeter at ArcLight Hollywood.
Def: Greeter, n. Person or persons who introduce a film of quality (or a $300 mil collection of random light and noise, in the case of Transformers 2) before the opening of a show. Basically, ArcLight has abandoned the tradition of pre-movie commercials and little animated popcorn boxes telling you to turn off your phone and keep your children from crying and Enjoy the Film! So they’ve sent in employees to transfer this message instead.
Hollywood has turned me into a public speaker.
This may not come as much of a shock to you – unless you also happened to be present during my ill-fated musical auditions in tenth grade – but trust me, it’s a shock to me. I have officially become a greeter at ArcLight Hollywood.
Def: Greeter, n. Person or persons who introduce a film of quality (or a $300 mil collection of random light and noise, in the case of Transformers 2) before the opening of a show. Basically, ArcLight has abandoned the tradition of pre-movie commercials and little animated popcorn boxes telling you to turn off your phone and keep your children from crying and Enjoy the Film! So they’ve sent in employees to transfer this message instead.
The gig involves commanding the attention of large crowds and speaking at maximum volume, which is why I’ve avoided it until recently. But, seeing as how I keep inexplicably rising through the ranks at my minimum wage job – a depressing fact to which I devote as little thought as possible – it was only inevitable that I eventually become a greeter.
Which I did. Yesterday. And I think I might have done an okay job. Granted, I was greeting during the morning shift on a Thursday, so I mostly just spoke in front of small crowds of 5-30 (or even just one dude, as was the case in a depressing showing of Gamer), but it was a small victory for me nonetheless. I didn’t pass out, or shake uncontrollably, or go completely blank and ask to start over *cough* 10th grade auditions *cough.*
I did okay. It was sort of like karaoke, actually, except without the aid of a microphone and lots and lots of booze. And the lyrics of Paula Abdul. And then more booze.
People always ask if I came out here to become an actress, and I always say no. But hey, maybe that’s not an unviable career choice, after all. I mean, I’ve now proven I can memorize short bits of information and spit them back out in front of large crowds. That’s pretty much acting, right? Or, barring that, I guess I can always become a stewardess.
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